'T'was on the good ship Venus, by God you should have seen us,
With a figurehead a whore in bed, suckin' a dead mans penis.
CHORUS:
Friggin' in the riggin', tossin' in the crossin',
Wankin' in the plankin', there's fuck all else to do.
and as an alternative to "wankin' in the plankin'":
Cummin' in the plumin', there's fuck all else to do.
The captain of this lugger, he was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel shit from one ship to another.
CHORUS:
The first mate's name was Harper, by God he was a farter,
When the wind didn't blow and the ship wouldn't go, Harper the farter would start her.
CHORUS:
The second mate's name was Andy, his balls were long and bandy,
We filled his arse with molten brass for pissing in the brandy.
CHORUS:
The captain's wife was Mabel, whenever she was able,
would fornicate with the second mate upon the chartroom table.
CHORUS:
The captain had a daughter, who fell into the water,
Delighted squeals announced that eels had found her sexual quarter.
CHORUS:
The captains daughter Charlotte, was born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs by night were lilly white, by morning they were scarlet.
CHORUS:
The cabin boy was Kipper, a dirty little nipper,
We stuffed his arse with broken glass to circumcise the skipper.
CHORUS:
The Bosuns name was Cropper, by Christ he had a whopper,
Twice round the deck, twice round his neck and up his arse for a stopper.
CHORUS:
And when we reached our station. through skillful navigation,
Our ship was sunk in a wave of spunk through too much masturbation.
CHORUS:
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