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Score of No Balls At All

My Comrades used to say I was a sadist,
I used to pull the wings off little flies,
Until I met my dear beloved Olga,
And saw the masochism in her eyes.


The samovars are boiling on the Gorski,
The Borscht no longer bubbles brave and free,
The Smersh has bowed it's little head in sorrow,
For love has gone from Olga and from me.

How tenderly she whispered "Sergei hit me",
And in her eyes there shone a Russian glow,
How tenderly she whispered "Sergei whip me",
But I her love could only answer no.


It was torture being cruel to little Olga,
It wasn't very nice I must confess,
Until one day she whispered "Sergei drown me"
I smiled a Russian smile and I said "yes"!


Now Olga was a true Siberian lover,
She was luscious in that luscious Russian way,
We used to go out boating on the Volga,
Now Olga's in the Volga AND TO STAY!

(Those last three words are shouted!)