HOME    
or if no player appears click here.

Score of The Ball of Kirriemuir
The original Scottish song, much changed when sung by the English, was based on fact. There was a barn dance held in Kirriemuir, a town in Angus, around 1880, which was supposed to have ended up in an orgy! The heating was by an open fire on which someone had sprinkled rose hip seeds and Spanish Fly was added to the punch bowl. The boys all wore kilts and the girls, if they wore any at all, wore drawers of the "free trade" pattern in which the rosehip seeds lodged, which were also spread around the dance floor, causing a vaginal itch as they danced, the combined aphrodisiacs resulting in an orgy of major proportions, so the story goes!
The first version below is the original Scottish version and there follows the English version which was the one mostly sung on Mendip.

Four and twenty virgins cam doon frae Inverness,
And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less.

CHORUS:
Wi' a fa'll dae it this nicht, fa'll dae it noo,
The yin that did it last nicht, canna dae it noo.

English translation:
With a who'll do it this night, who'll do it now,
The one that did it last night, cannot do it now.


They were fuckin' in the barn yard they were fuckin in the ricks;
An' ye couldna hear the music fer the swishing o' the pricks.

CHORUS:

The ministers wife was there as weel a' buckled to the front;
Wi a wreath o' roses roun' her airse and thristles roun' her cunt.

CHORUS:

The minister's dochter tae was there an she gat roarin' fu';
Sae they doubled her owre the midden wa' an' bulled he like a coo.

CHORUS:

Big Rab the fermer cursed and swore an' then he roared and grat,
For his forty acre corn field was nearly fuckit flat.

CHORUS:

And when the ball was over, the dancers did confess,
The music were terrific but the doin' were the best.

CHORUS:

There are probably many more Scottish verses but here is the English version:

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less.

CHORUS:
Singing balls to your partner, your arse against the wall,
If you've never been shagged on Saturday night, you've never been shagged at all.

The village butcher he was there his cleaver in his hand,
He swung it twice around his head and circumcised the band.

CHORUS:

The village postman he was there he had a dose of pox,
He couldn't fuck the women so he fucked the letter box.

CHORUS:

They were fucking in the barley they were fucking in the oats,
Some were fucking sheep but they were mostly fucking goats.

CHORUS:

There was fucking in the kitchen and fucking in the halls,
You couldn't hear the music for the clanging of the balls.

CHORUS:

There was fucking in the parlor there was fucking on the stairs,
You couldn't see the carpet for the mass of pubic hairs.

CHORUS:

The parson's daughter she was there, the cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass and a thistle up her cunt.

CHORUS:

The doctors wife she was there she had us all in fits,
Swinging on the chandeliers and landing on her tits.

CHORUS:

The Queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey,
The King was in the chambermaid and she was in the money.

CHORUS:

First lady forward, second lady back,
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack.

CHORUS:

The village magician he was there doing his favorite trick,
Pulling his foreskin over his head and vanishing up his prick.

CHORUS:

There are many more verses!
HOME