Mrs O'Flaherty

The characters in this monologue should be spoken with an Irish accent. It is about a case of rape in the Irish high court in Dublin, Mrs O'Flaherty against Michael O'Donovan.

The judge said to Mrs O'Flaherty, "Mrs O'Flaherty, would you mind telling the court in your own words, just what happened on the day of the alleged offence".
"Well 't'was loik 'dis yer 'onour.... I went down to see Katie O'Donovan, but Katie O'Donovan wasn't in.... But there was Michael O'Donovan... An' he was lyin' on da floor..... Bollock naked!... 'Yer 'onour,... he had a mighty makewater... an it was standin' on end,... an' it was a steamin' and a throbbin' like a piston engine.... Wid a big blue vein down one side for all da world like a loitening conductor!.... An' balanced in the end,... was a white fevver!! (feather)
So he see's me standin' dere and he says"; "Mrs O'Flaherty, Oi didn't see yer dere, but Oi bet yer foive shillin' yer can't blow dis fevver out de end o' me makewater wid one fart."
"Well yer 'onour, five shillins ter me is like five pounds ter yoursel, so I downed me drawers, and I was straainin' me bowels for the necessary wind,... when 'e upped me from behind.... Fevver an all!
Sure,... 'twasn't the act itself Oi minded so much,.... 't'was the low cunning of the bastard!"