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Score of The Eton Boating Song
The Eton Boating Song is its original title but it may also be known as The Sexual Life of a Camel.


The sexual life of the camel is not quite what anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season, he tries to bugger the sphinx,
But the sphinx's back passage is narrow and blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel and the sphinx's inscrutable smile.

CHORUS:
Singing bum titty, bum titty, titty bum,
Singing bum titty, bum titty, ay,
Singing bum titty, bum titty, titty bum,
Singing bum titty, bum titty ay.

The sexual life of the ostrich is something I can't understand,
Why does this peculier animal, bury its head in the sand.
When along comes another Ostrich, and sees its arse stuck in the air,
Does it feel like taking a poke at it, or doesn't it fucking well care?

CHORUS:

The sexual life of a bullfrog is something I can't comprehend,
Why does this peculier animal, buff up the arse of it's friend,
For its friend has a noisome cavity, all full of foul air and green slime,
Which accounts for the croak of the bullfrog, and why it goes "umph" all the time.

CHORUS:

In the annals of civilisation, from anthropoid ape down to man,
It is commonly held that the Navy, has buggered whatever it can,
But recent extensive researches, by Darwin and Huxley and Hall,
Conclusively prove that the hedgehog has never been buggered at all.
(next verse is sung without a chorus)
But theorems were meant to be broken, as in the postulate above,
Regarding the plight of the hedgehog and the boundaries of sexual love,
For a crafty old naval bugger, left his memoirs to Harvard and Yale,
Simply stating the fact that the hedgehog can be buggered by shaving his tail.

CHORUS:

(The next three verses are sung with a lisp)
My name is Cecil, I live in Leicester Square,
I wear ring toed sandals and a rose bud in my hair,
And we're all queers together and that's why we go round in pairs,
Yes we're all queers together, excuse us while we go upstairs.

CHORUS

My name is Horace, I live in Leicester Square too,
I wear pink pyjamas, but Cecil prefers me in blue,
And we're all queers together and thats why we go round in pairs,
Yes we're all queers together, excuse us while we go upstairs.

CHORUS:

Riding to work in the tube train, so crowded I had to stand,
A little boy offered me his seat, I felt for it with my hand,
And we're all queers together and that's why we go round in pairs,
Yes we're all queers together, excuse us while we go upstairs.

CHORUS:

Mutual Masturbation, is not quite what most people think,
Every Saturday evening, we all stand round the sink,
And we all pull together, and float in a sea of cum,
Yes we all pull together, for pulling your pudding is fun.

CHORUS

'Twas Christmas eve in the harem and the eunuchs all were there,
Observing the vestal virgins, combing their pubic hair,
When the voice of Father Christmas came echoing through the halls,
Asking "what would you like for Christmas", and the eunuchs all answered "balls".
(the last word is shouted in falsetto)

CHORUS:

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