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Score of There was a young lady
This is a bloody fine song about a lady from Clapham in Yorkshire or even London and it's all about shit! The words in italics in the chorus are optional.

There was a young lady in Clapham did dwell,
Fitzsimmonds by name and I knew here quite well,
She went to the doctors 'cos she couldn't shite,
And he gave her some pills that would put her quite right.

Too rye ay (wait a bit) Too rye ay (have a shit),
It's a bloody fine song and it's all about shit.

She shat all that night and she shat all that day,
Contractors they came for to take it away,
You looked to the left and you looked to the right,
And saw mountains and mountains and mountains of shite.


Policeman O'Riley was out on his beat,
When he happened to pass by the end of the street,
He thought he saw faeces way up in the sky,
When a bloody great turd hit him right in the eye.


Policeman O'Riley was blinded for life,
With three starving kids and no sign of a wife,
Now he stands on the corner by day and by night,
With a sign round his neck saying "blinded by shite".