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Score of The Compleat Caver

If you’re anxious for to shine and be a caver fine and a man of prowess rare,
You must build a firm foundation on a mass of information and your intellect prepare;
There s some very special matter - not the common caving chatter -found compact in useful guides,
Truth that’s far ahead of fiction clad in rich and varied diction that the BEC provides,
And the caving crowd will say,
As you walk down Priddy way,
“If he has carefully trained his mind when muscle is enough for me,
Why what a many sided, versatile, all round man this caving man must be.”

When you’re drinking in the Hunters and you’re telling all the punters of your latest Club Report,
Every cavers greatest dream is to go down in your team just to be there for the sport,
For there’s not a rock or slab’ll make you writhe or gasp or scrabble or disturb your grace serene,
Whilst they pant in struggles frantic you’ll observe the grotte’s romantic quoting Irwin in the “Speleo Scene”,
And the Belfry crowd will say,
As you stroll down Priddy way,
“If he reads “Mendip Underground” when the “BB” is good enough for me,
Why what an almost over-cultivated caving man this caving man must be.”

And the twenty thousand hours at the limit of man’s powers spent amongst St.Cuthberts drips
And the drawings made of surveys from the earliest of days cannot fail to check all slips,
So the Report about this Swallet is worth the contents of your wallet to complete your mastery,
Of the subtle sinuosities and wriggling rugosities known to the BEC.
And the caving crowd will say,
As you stride down Priddy way,
“If buying the Cuthberts Report is good enough for him which must be good enough for me,
Why what a very wonderful report this Cave Report must be.”