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Score of These Mendip Things
We used to sing some very rude Rugby type verses to this tune which began; "The tattered remnants of an old French letter..." and became more obscene the longer it was sung with people queuing up to sing a ruder verse. I thought it would be nice to add a few caving verses but they never really caught on.
Shepton caving ladders were ultra lightweight and the tubular rungs were secured to the wire by a taper pin which forced a kink in the wire and held it firm but didn't weaken it. Unfortunately, if the hole through the rung was drilled off centre, the subsequent kink did not hold the rung securely and it slipped, usually when you were half way up a 100 foot pitch!
Stoke Lane Slocker was renowned for the sewage that used to float in on the stream from Stoke St. Michael and the nutmeg grater is a squeeze in that cave. 'Cooking' is the cheapest beer and a honk is a billious attack usually caused by an excess of 'cooking'. Soda lime cocktails were the result of trying to cave dive using ex Navy submarine escape apparatus, not nice if you were any distance from the water surface!

The tattered remnants of a Shepton ladder,
The slipping rungs that made me even madder,
A snapping lifelines 'ping',
These Mendip things, remind me of you.

That shredded wet suit from the nutmeg grater,
The turds that float around in Stoke Lane Slocker,
Oh how the smell of it clings,
These Mendip things, remind me of you.

A hole called Swildons where I first went caving,
Those muddy sumps that needed constant baling,
The way we used to sing,
These Mendip things, remind me of you.

The Hunters Lodge and all those pints of Cooking,
Those dry stone walls that jump when you're not looking,
A honk that makes bells ring,
These Mendip things, remind me of you.

Those hard men divers in the cave at Wookey,
Those rare occasions when you got your nooky,
Oh how that soda lime stings,
These Mendip things, remind me of you.

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